4 questions for Stéphanie Lacassagne (sex therapist)

At Topla, sex education is important and has a range of 5 dedicated games, Sexploration . Our goal is to help parents, education and health professionals to approach the subject more easily with teenagers and to offer an effective and fun prevention tool.

Today we meet Stéphanie Lacassagne, a sex therapist and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) / Matrix Reimprinting practitioner, who practices in Bayonne, France. She answers 4 of our questions. Key information because, as you will see, prevention really changes the game for young people.

Why is prevention in sex education essential?

Stéphanie Lacassagne : Taking preventive action helps limit risks and difficulties in sexual health, such as the risks of sexually transmitted infections. Being informed allows you to know how the human body works and the possibility of pregnancy.

And above all, prevention is important so that adolescents can position themselves in terms of self-respect (getting themselves respected), respect for others, their choices, their journey, their sexual identity and orientation, what they are ready for and what they are not ready for.

It is also necessary to inform in order to combat the misconceptions that can be conveyed by friends, by the mass media, which are not specialized in a teenage audience, or by pornography. According to the national average in France, at the age of 11, young people have already seen their ^first pornographic film. However, sexuality does not correspond to what we see in these films.

In 2017, an IFOP survey also revealed that 44% of young people who have sexual intercourse reproduce practices they have seen in pornographic videos. What are the consequences of such figures?

This implies a huge amount of pressure on the shoulders of young people who have seen these images, which can be traumatic. When psycho-affective and sexual development (especially with the period of puberty) is not as advanced as what we see in porn films, there is a gap. We are not necessarily ready at 11 years old to see fellatio or anything else. It can be shocking. The consequences can be an aversion to sexuality, disgust. Whereas originally, it is supposed to be a way to take pleasure and give it.

In our sexology consultations, we see patients who suffer from sexual disorders. For example, for boys, these are erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation because they masturbated in front of these films and developed an addiction to pornography. Later, these sexual disorders will induce problems in adult sexuality in a lasting way, causing psychological suffering.

There are also young people who compare themselves to what they see and do not find themselves up to par because they do not always have the discernment to understand that there are several actors who can stay erect for so long or that for women, what is shown is not necessarily what they like or that the bodies are not natural as they appear in these films, etc. The list can be very long.

The effects are very harmful when images are seen without discussion, without explanation, without information. Hence the interest in warning, by saying: "This is what you saw. What do you think? What does it correspond to in your reality? What questions does it raise for you? And here are the answers that we can give you."

Not to mention the comments from friends who say "I did such and such a thing", when it is not always true. Prevention allows us to reintroduce reality to young people, who are often out of touch with it.

Ultimately, pressure has terrible effects on sexual reflexes and for girls as well. When you are not ready to have sex, the vagina does not lubricate and therefore you have pain. It is possible that you no longer want sex afterwards, leading to disorders of desire.

How can parents help their teens and approach sex education?

Parents who are not comfortable talking about it, you should not force yourself. It does not often have positive effects in this case. Furthermore, it is wise to let the children's questions come and not anticipate them, to adapt to the age and where the child is at. Each child is different. Two children of the same age will not necessarily ask themselves the same questions, at the same time. But on the other hand, tell him/her that she/he can obviously ask questions. Either the parent(s) are able to answer and that is very good. If this is not the case, they can refer their children to professionals to get answers.

First of all, you should know that the law requires and provides for 3 sex education sessions per year in middle and high school, and by homogeneous age groups. In primary school, the figure of three sessions corresponds more to an order of magnitude. These must be integrated into the lessons by teachers. For primary school students, we will rather talk about the body. The difference between the bodies of girls and boys, what information they have about their bodies at that age. We will present an anatomy that is not as detailed at 6 years old as at 13 years old. We can already induce notions of respect for others. Make children think about gender issues such as: can a girl play football in the schoolyard? Questions that have to do with respect for each other, the place of boys and girls, the choices of each other, being attentive to others, being attentive to oneself. We are at the beginnings of the relationship with others.

Unfortunately, these 3 mandatory sessions often do not take place or not as much as they should. But you should know that if the law has provided for them, it is for good reasons. In any case, schools are supposed to be able to provide information if necessary.

Another piece of information to remember: in all departments there are CPEFs (family planning and education centers). These are places where competent and trained professionals work, who can receive adolescents free of charge and anonymously for all the questions they have regarding prevention, infection, contraception and sexuality. And there are also CeGIDDs (free information, screening and diagnosis centers) for STIs, sexually transmitted infections. These are resource centers where there is documentation. You can go there alone or with your parents. It is open to all. Family planning is also a resource center for providing information on sexuality.

So I would advise parents to listen to their children, to their questions, to answer as best they can, with what they know. And then to tell their teenagers where they can go to get more information, if they want, and in case they would be more comfortable talking about it with other people. Because sexuality is not always an easy subject to discuss between parents and children.

And if children don't talk to their parents about this topic at all, should they take the first step and open the discussion?

Indeed, because if parents inform their child that the subject of the body, of intimacy, of pleasure, of sexuality, of reproduction exists. This will allow the child to feel authorized to come and talk about it, when the time comes.

At the time, the child may feel embarrassed and say "no, it's okay, I don't need to talk about it" and then come back later and say "you know, you told me that, but actually I'd like to know". I think it's good to open a door. But we can also refer to gynecologists, or sexologists of course. There are plenty of solutions.

Note from the Topla team:

To discover the games in the Sexploration range, click on the name of the following games: It's not taboo!, True or false about STIs , Contraceptive color chart, OK not OK – the role-playing game of consent , Can you – the game of privileges .

On our blog, you also have an interview with Claire Vimont, the creator of Sexploration , telling why she created these games, which professionals she surrounded herself with during their design and her advice for using them...

Find it here.