Help, my child is a bully!

It's hard to imagine your child as a playground bully, and yet there are at least as many bullies as there are children who are bullied, if not more, because the phenomenon is often linked to the group.

Often, it is the school management that sounds the alarm. It is then essential to overcome our initial emotions - anger, denial or shame - to approach the situation with a cool head.

👣 First steps:
Do not react immediately, avoid immediate confrontations and direct accusations towards your child.
Don't minimize the problem by reducing it to mere arguments.
Do not contact the family of the child being bullied immediately.

So what to do?

❓ Understand to act better:
Identify the roots of your child's aggressive behavior. There may be several reasons, here are some:
-Your child is angry, sad, in pain. He does not know how to express his emotions and this results in violent behavior.
-The family context can of course play a role in the event of strong tensions at home.
-Your child is looking to feel like they belong to a group and bullying makes them feel popular and part of a group.
-Your child has been bullied in the past.

👿 Speak without demonizing:
Ask open-ended questions to encourage your child to share experiences and observations:
-Did he witness any harassment?
-How does it go at recess or when you go out?
-Is he afraid of certain children?
-Is he part of a group or would he like to?
-Does he ever say insults?
etc…
The goal is to gain information and gradually lead your child to reflect on their emotions and develop empathy towards others.
In his opinion, what does a bullied child feel? Would he like to be insulted?

⚖ Remember the law:
Explain to your child that bullying is punishable by law because it is forbidden and serious. He may be permanently excluded from school and the police may be informed and take sanctions. You can also discuss the consequences for the bullied child (he feels very sad, anxious, he has a stomach ache, etc.)

🆘 Ask for help:
30 18 is a free number for victims, which can also advise parents of child bullies.
Specialized associations are also there to help, such as "Parle je t'écoute!" "Marion, la main tendue", "Hugo!" and many others.
You can also ask your school for the name of a school psychologist.

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